Rabbi
Doniel Staum, LMSW
Rabbi,
Kehillat New Hempstead
Social
Worker, Yeshiva Bais Hachinuch/Ashar
STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
VAYISHLACH 5773
“LIFE
OF GROWTH[1]”
In
an article written two years ago, Roy S. Neuberger, noted author and lecturer,
related the following story:
“Several years ago, I had the privilege to
meet Rabbi Shmuel Berenbaum zt’l, the late Rosh Yeshiva of the Mirrer Yeshiva
in Brooklyn . I mentioned my father, who is now
over 107 years old[2]!
Rabbi Berenbaum cited the well-known Gemora[3] which
states “karkafta d’lo manach tefillin… the head
that does not wear tefillin” will be judged
severely, and told me that I must make sure my father puts on tefillin at
least once before he reaches 120!
It wasn’t so easy. Various
impediments prevented us from carrying out Rabbi Birnbaum’s advice, but we
always kept it in mind. Then, about two and a half years ago, when my third
book, 2020 VISION, was
published, I brought a copy to my father. I assumed that it would sit around
unread, but I was wrong! The next day, I saw that he was reading my book!
He loved it! He read it three times!
“You make religion sound so
enjoyable,” he said, “not like a chore.”
My father had always felt that
“religion” was the cause of all the world’s problems, but the book seemed to
open his eyes.
My wife realized: now is the
time for the tefillin.
I asked my Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi
Naftali Jaeger, how to go about this. He told me to bring my tefillin and
a second pair to my father’s house. I should put mine on, make the blessings
aloud and have my wife instruct my father to say “Amen” to those blessings, while at the same time
putting the borrowed tefillin on
my father.
So it was that he put on tefillin for
the first time in his life a week before his 105th birthday!
A few months later, my wife and
I made our semi-annual trip to the University
of Michigan
So here we were in Ann Arbor
When Jared heard that my father
had put on tefillin for
the first time at one hundred and five years old, he thought to himself, “If a
man can put on tefillin at 105, why shouldn’t
I put on tefillin today?
What am I waiting for? Should I wait until I am 105?”…
The morning after I had told
the story of my father, Jared ordered a pair of tefillin! He has been
faithfully wearing those tefillin six
days a week for the last two years! He is now completely observant and is
planning to take next year off to learn in Israel
My father’s tefillin changed
his life!”
“Rachel died, and was buried on
the road… Yaakov erected a (מצבה) monument over her grave; it is the monument of Rochel’s grave
until this day.[4]”
The verse relates that Yaakov erected a single stone as the monument which
would serve as a memorial to Rochel’s grave. Indeed that site remains hallowed
as Kever Rochel to this day.
In Chumash Devorim, when Moshe
instructed Klal Yisroel about how to properly serve G-d and remain faithful to
Him, he told the nation, “You shall not erect for yourself a (מצבה) monument which Hashem your G-d hates.[5]” If one wants to offer a
sacrifice to G-d he must do so atop an altar, constructed out of many stones.
But to offer a sacrifice atop a monument consisting of one stone is an
abomination to G-d, because such was the practice of idol-worshippers. Rashi
notes that although during the days of the patriarchs an offering brought atop
a monument was ‘beloved before G-d’, since then it has become abhorrent.
Why is a single-stone altar - a
matzeivah – so abhorrent to G-d?
Rabbi Moshe Feinstein zt’l explained[6]
that something which is constructed out of many stones symbolizes continuous building.
One can continue adding layers to it without it altering its identity. It will remain
an altar no matter how many additional layers of stone are added to it.
A matzeivah constructed from a solitary
stone however, cannot be enlarged, for doing so will change it from being a matzeivah
into a full-fledged mizbayach. In
that sense a matzeivah symbolizes a single accomplishment, while a mizbayach
symbolizes continuous accomplishments.
Before the Torah was given to Klal Yisroel,
if someone observed any mitzvoh, he did so on his own volition. Every time one
of the patriarchs observed Shabbos or ate kosher it was a great testament of
their love and devotion to G-d. Every individual act was precious. Therefore,
it was laudable to offer a sacrificed atop a matzeivah which symbolized
single acts of growth.
After the Torah was given however, it became
a long term binding commitment. One who performs mitzvos but then slackens in
his observance is spiritually deficient. Every mitzvah performed is not done in
isolation, but is another brick of our personal spiritual growth. Therefore,
after the Torah was given our observance is symbolized by a multi-stoned mizbayach,
symbolizing continuous building of the same structure. At that point the single
stone matzeivah symbolizing individual isolated mitzvos, became
abhorrent.
When a person dies the custom is to erect a
‘matzeivah’ above his kever (burial plot). Prima facie, it is difficult
to understand why we would erect a matzeivah when the Torah mentions how
abhorrent a matzeivah is in G-d’s eyes.
Based on Rabbi Feinstein’s aforementioned
explanation, Rabbi Yisroel Reisman[7]
explained that throughout a person’s lifetime he must pursue a path of constant
growth. A stagnant life is a wasted life, for life is about growth through
struggle and striving. Therefore, during one’s lifetime the symbolism of a matzeivah
is antithetical to his pursuit of greater growth. When one has died however, he
has completed his mission on earth and can no longer accrue merits through
personal fulfillment of Torah and mitzvos. At that point it is apropos to erect
a matzeivah to symbolize the completion of the deceased’s mission. This
is also why it is customary to etch an epitaph into the matzeivah which
briefly describes the accomplishments of the deceased.
Rabbi Reisman added that perhaps this is
why it is customary that when one takes leave of a grave he places a small
stone atop the matzeivah. As mentioned, the matzeivah symbolizes
the completion of a lifetime of accomplishment. But in truth departure from
this world is not an end to the opportunity to gain merits. If during one’s lifetime
he deceased taught others, even if only be example, and they were inspired by
him to improve their own observance, he can continue to accrue benefits in Gan
Eden. The actions he performed in this world continue to benefit him even after
he has departed.
As we take leave of a grave we place small
stones atop the matzeivah to symbolize
that the soul of the deceased is continuing to ‘build’ as he garners
more merits based on his previous actions. The person may be physically gone
but his legacy and example lives on.
Life is an opportunity for growth, not only
during one’s lifetime but even after he has departed from this world. We are
constantly building, so that others will be able to continue to build above the
foundations we have erected.
“Yaakov erected a monument over
her grave”
“It is the monument of Rochel’s
grave until this day”
[1] Based on
derasha given at Kehillat New Hempstead, Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vayishlach 5771
[2] Roy Rothschild Neuberger
(1903 – 2010) was an American financier
who contributed money to raise public awareness of modern art.
[3] Rosh Hashana 17a
[4]
Bereishis 35:19-20
[5] Devorim
16:22
[6] Darash
Moshe chelek 1, parshas Shoftim
[7] Parshas
Vayishlach 5771
_____________________________________________________________
“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vayishlach
16 Kislev 5773/November 30, 2012
“A Day in Court”
Scene One
Warning: The following scene can be disturbing to some viewers. Discretion advised.
The atmosphere in the courtroom was tense. The judge peered intensely at the litigants, as he listened to the defending lawyer’s closing arguments. The defendant himself had boldly presented his position and had represented himself well. He also knew that the judge sincerely cared about him and wanted to help him. Still the defendant knew he needed all the help he could get.
The defending lawyer was adroit and astute, legendary for never losing a case! He knew how to appeal to the emotions of the judge and jurors so that they concluded that there was benefit in granting the defendant - not only clemency - but also court obligated assistance to help him in his private endeavors.
The judge was clearly moved by the lawyer’s arguments and the lawyer was confident that they were about to win the case.
But then suddenly the judge’s face darkened and his complexion changed. He slammed down his gavel angrily and bellowed, “This court hereby finds the defendant in contempt of court. I am ordering a motion to postpone this case until the defendant can learn proper conduct in a court of law.” With that the judge stood up and marched out in a huff.
The lawyer was stunned. What had happened in those final moments? When he questioned his client, the defendant shrugged meekly. “I don’t really know. While you were arguing my case I was talking to my friend behind me about the game last night. It was an amazing comeback and we were marveling about it. Then I mentioned some of the financial hardships I am dealing with lately, and he told me some of the problems he’s having at home. We were talking very quietly and it didn’t disturb the proceedings or anyone else. I think the judge needs to chill. Worse things have happened.”
The lawyer just stared at his client with his mouth agape, not knowing how to respond.
End of scene One
Cast/Credits
Judge – Hashem
Defendant – not me or you (hopefully)
Lawyer – Chazzan reciting Chazaras Hashatz (repeating Shemoneh Esrei in shul) twice daily
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425
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