STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
YISRO 5779
One of the greatest English seforim I
have read in the last few years was Mind Over Man, a collection of discourses
from Rav Yechiel Perr, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Derech Eisan in Far Rockaway,
NY. The book is full of poignant and candid insights into human nature and
contains timeless lessons for growth in contemporary society.
Rav Perr discusses the need for a
person to question his motivations, even when doing positive actions. If a
positive action is performed with negative intent, it can have a negative
effect.
To demonstrate this point, he relates
the following story:
“One time when I was a youngster in
yeshiva, a fight broke out. It escalated to such a point that the cook quit and
walked out close to Shabbos. We were a bunch of teenage boys in a dormitory,
with no cooked meals and only hours before Kabbolas Shabbos. But we had a
kitchen and a pantry full of raw materials, so three other boys and I decided
to cook for Shabbos. You can imagine the scene – four of us sweating in the
kitchen, with the other boys sitting around, joking and giving sage cooking
advice. The food actually came out very good; until this day I’m proud of it.
“At one point, the Rosh Yeshiva came in
to see how we were doing. I complained that everyone was issuing opinions and
jokes without bothering to help. He responded with a great vort, although I
doubt he remembers it. He said: If you can’t do it right, just walk out and
don’t do it at all!
“It took me a long time to appreciate
his words. Obviously, sometimes action must be taken, in cases of pikuach
nefesh[2] or
the like. But back in that hot kitchen decades ago, what would have happened if
only three boys did the cooking? Maybe there wouldn’t have been kugel or
chicken, or the soup would have come out wrong. But no one would have starved.
In some situations, doing nothing is better than doing a mitzvah incorrectly.
Although you are accomplishing a great thing, providing Shabbos for the public,
there is a poisonous edge to your actions: resentment, negativity
self-righteousness. These aspects of your actions impact on you, dragging you
down. You are better off not doing it at all.
“Often people volunteer, but cannot
handle that others are abandoning them to do it by themselves. If so, do not
volunteer. If you tear your heart out, does it matter that it was full of
kindness and empathy? Do it right with simcha and a positive outlook, or not at
all. By stewing in your cynicism and bitterness, you lose all that you stood to
gain from your generosity.”
Rav Perr continues that it is vital for
a person to know his limits. Often people take on too much and it affects them
personally or their family life. When one overextends himself, the negative
impact it has outweighs the good he is accomplishing. With time he loses his
desire to accomplish for others.
He notes that this is demonstrated in
Yisro’s message to Moshe Rabbeinu. When Yisro saw throngs of people line up to
pose their halachic inquires to Moshe, he declared, “navol tibol”[3], you
are wearing yourself out.
The truth is that we have abilities
beyond what we realize. A person gets married and has much greater
responsibilities than when he was single. Then he has a child and his
responsibilities increase exponentially. As his family grows, and life becomes
busier, he has to shoulder much more than he thought possible. If
responsibility has been thrust upon him he has no choice but to embrace it. If
G-d sent it his way, that means he has the means to meet that challenge.
However, a person must be honest with
himself to know when he needs to step back and ease up from what he is
volunteering for.
This idea poses a very delicate
challenge, because while it’s true that we don’t want to damage ourselves by
taking on too much, we also have to make sure we aren’t ignoring opportunities.
The Zohar[4] relates
that Avrohom Avinu understood that it was necessary for him to purchase Mearas
Hamachpeilah from Ephron: “If Ephron had seen in the cave what Avrohom saw in
it, he never would have sold it to him. Surely then he didn’t see anything,
because the light of something is only revealed to its owner. Therefore, to
Avrohom was revealed (a spiritual light), but not to Ephron.”
The Tzeidah Laderech utilizes this idea
to explain why Yisro was the one who suggested the hierarchy system of judges which
was implemented for the entire nation. Moshe himself would never have suggested
that there be such a system with the hardest questions being brought to him,
because of his extreme humility. For anyone in the nation to have suggested
that it was too much for Moshe to answer everything himself was disrespectful
to Moshe. Yisro therefore realized that he was the only one who could
appropriately offer the suggestion.
Just as Avrohom realized it was his
mission to purchase the cave, so did Yisro realize that it was incumbent upon
him to suggest a revamping of the system. “The light of something is only
revealed to its owner.”
Yisro rose to the occasion. Not only
was his suggestion accepted, it is recorded in the Torah for posterity.
It is a stark reminder that when an
opportunity arises when we recognize that we can make a difference and that we
are in a position to accomplish, we have to take advantage of the moment.
The challenge is finding the delicate
balance between knowing our calling and not burning ourselves out. It cannot be
coincidental that these two diverse ideas appear together. On the one hand, the
Torah records that Moshe had to hand over some of the reigns so that he and the
nation did not become weary and overburdened. At the same time, Yisro
recognized that he was the one who had to step into the limelight and offer
advice. This despite the fact that it must have been uncomfortable for him to
do so, after having arrived on the scene as a stranger not much earlier.
The three days prior to Shavuos are
called “shloshes yimei hagbalah – the three days of boundaries”. Before
Kabbolas HaTorah, Hashem instructed Moshe three times to warn the nation not to
traverse the boundaries set before them at the foot of Har Sinai. They were
repeatedly warned that if they would so much as touch the mountain, they would
instantly die.
Regarding spiritual growth, one cannot
‘rush up the mountain’. If we try to take on too much too quickly it can
destroy us. On the other hand, we must make sure we are standing at the foot of
the mountain poised to accept what we can.
Like everything else in life, finding
that perfect balance is vital and yet challenging. One must know his limits,
and yet ensure that he isn’t selling himself short.
“You will wear out – also you and also
this nation that is with you”
“The light of something is only
revealed to its owner”
Rabbi Dani Staum,
LMSW
Rebbe/Guidance
Counselor – Heichal HaTorah
Principal – Ohr
Naftoli- New Windsor
[1] The
following is the lecture I delivered at Kehillat New Hempstead, Parshas Yisro 5778
[2] Life
in danger
[3]
Shemos 18:18
[4]
Bereishis 127:1-2