STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
VAYERA 5777
“THE OTHER GUY”
These thoughts are lovingly dedicated in
memory of my Savta, Mrs. Minnie Staum, Shprintza bas Avrohom Yitzchok a’h,
whose yahrtzeit is Friday, 17 Cheshvan.
Rabbi Yitzchok Zilberstein shlita[1]
relates the following story:
A man in Eretz Yisroel was driving along a road late one night through
an area dubbed a ‘danger zone’ because of recent gunshots that were fired at
drivers in the area. Suddenly he noticed a car pulling up hastily behind him,
flashing its lights signaling that he wanted to pass him. The first driver
became fearful, because a day earlier a similar incident had ended up in a
vicious shooting attack.
In order to prevent the second car from overtaking him, the first driver
began driving in a zigzag, weaving from one side of the road to the other. He
continued driving that way until he arrived at his home.
When he pulled up in front of his home he stopped his car. The other
driver stopped too and got out of his car. The first driver was happy to see
that it was a Jew and he breathed a sigh of relief. But his relief was short
lived. The second driver was livid at the first driver for how he had driven
and began to beat him without compunction. The second driver viciously punched
the other in the face numerous times until he was bleeding copiously, and his
nose was broken.
The first driver tried to explain himself but the other man was so
infuriated that he wouldn’t listen. He continued reigning blows on the hapless
driver as neighbors and passerby gathered around and demanded that he
stop.
When the debacle finally ended the first driver went into his home
beaten and bloodied. Sometime later he called Rabbi Zilberstein to ask him
whether he should file a complaint with the police against his assailant. The
Rabbi replied that he should wait until the next morning and they would decide
then.
The next morning when the man failed to call Rabbi Zilberstein, the
Rabbi decided to call him. When he came to the phone the man explained that
during the night he had decided that he would not file the complaint against
the man who broke his nose.
He related that after he hung up the phone the previous night he
realized that he would probably have to go to the hospital and hire a private
doctor, which would cost him thousands of shekel. But the assailant has a
prestigious job in a prominent firm, and he earns a good living. If such a
report was filed with the police it would besmirch his reputation very badly.
He would not be able to deny his actions because there were numerous witnesses.
He would probably be fired from his job and he would lose his source of income.
Then he continued, “So instead of filing the complaint I invited him to
my house for Shabbos. I am confident that when he sees the beauty of a Shabbos
table in a Torah-observant home he will reconsider his path of life. Perhaps he
will even decide to learn more about Torah and mitzvos. That will be my
greatest reward. Perhaps at some future point I will be able to take him to
Bais Din (Jewish Court). But I will not file a compliant against him in secular
court or engage him in a legal battle which may cause him untold damage.”
Despite the fact that he was a hundred years old and had just underwent
a painful procedure that left him in pain, and despite the fact that it was an
unusually brutally hot day, Avrohom Avinu sat at the entrance of his tent,
waiting and pining to demonstrate kindness to others and teach them about G-d.
When he finally notices three ‘Bedouins’ traveling in the distance he jumped up
with alacrity and implored them to join him. Then, as they sat comfortably in
the shade, he prepared a regal meal for them.
Rashi, quoting the gemara[2],
notes that Avrohom slaughtered three calves in order to serve each guest his
own tongue with mustard, truly a royal delicacy.
Rabbi Avrohom Pam zt’l[3] noted
that a person as righteous and saintly as Avrohom was surely personally beyond
indulgence in such delicacies. Yet in regards to his guests he did not hold
back anything and served them as he would aristocracy.
Rabbi Pam derives from Avrohom’s behavior an integral lesson: A person
must always be striving for spiritual greatness. This includes overcoming his
own desires and inclinations and not always pampering himself in enjoyments and
pleasures. Yet when it comes to others one must do all in his power to make the
other person as comfortable and content as he is able.
A Torah Jew strives to live his life with a focus on eternity, often
forfeiting material comforts in that quest. But he must bear in mind that
others are not on his spiritual level, and in regards to matters of food,
clothing, home furnishings, and honor one must respect others on the level that
he is on.
This idea is vital in regards to education as well. At times parents
forget what it’s like to be a child and may make demands on their children that
are unreasonable. Surely a parent has a responsibility to admonish his child,
but it must be based on the child’s capabilities and capacities.
A distinguished ba’al teshuva related to me
that he struggles with this idea constantly. As he was not raised in a Torah
environment he does not know what it’s like to be ‘normal religious kid’. He
became Torah observant when he was a mature adult and so at times it is hard
for him to fathom how his child can act so childish. He is wise enough to know
that he must seek the counsel of others to know what is acceptable and what is
not.
After Avrohom rescued Lot and defeated the massive combined armies of
the four kings, the king of Sodom
Rashi explains that Avorhom’s actions were particularly meritorious
because he did not want to benefit from stolen property[6].
Although Avrohom was legally entitled to the spoils, the King of Sodom
clearly did not see it that way. The mere fact that he approached Avrohom with terms
for a bargain demonstrates that he felt he had claims and rights, and by
offering Avrohom the spoils he felt like he was making a magnanimous gesture.
The greatness of Avrohom was that he was that he dealt with the King of Sodom based
on his perception. Despite the fact that according to the letter of the law
Avrohom was perfectly justified to take at least the spoils of the war, because
in the mind of the wicked Sodomite King he would have been a thief, Avrohom
decided to forego every penny.
Avrohom understood that as the champion of belief and kindness he
represented G-d, as it were. Therefore he had to be concerned even for faulty
perceptions of others.
The mitzvah of tefillin instills awe in all who see them[7]. It
is not the tefillin themselves that garner that awe but rather in what they
represent – a Supreme Being. It is analogous to the badge of a policeman – it
is not the badge that people fear, but the institution it represents and the
authority that institution wields. Similarly, when a Jew wears tzitzis it is
akin to a slave who wears the insignia of his master upon his garment[8].
Because Avrohom demonstrated that he was willing to deal with others
based on their perception of reality, he was rewarded with mitzvos which help
engender within us a cognizance of the true reality. It is one’s ego that
impedes his ability to see things from another’s point of view. Avrohom
displayed a complete lack of egocentricity, which is at the core of acceptance
of the Yoke of Heaven. We often try to compel others to live within our
reality. The truly great person is able to reach beyond himself and see things
from the viewpoints and perceptions of others. This is a vital prerequisite for
one to be able to realize the viewpoint of the Torah and G-d in any situation.
One of the legacies of Avrohom is the ability to see beyond ourselves,
to see the world as other’s see it and to understand their reality.
“He stood over them beneath the tree and they ate.”
“So you shall not say, ‘It is I who made Avrom rich’”
Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW
Rabbi, Kehillat New Hempstead
Rebbe/Guidance Counselor – ASHAR
Principal – Ohr Naftoli- New Windsor
[1] Aleinu
L’shabayach, Bereishis 6:10
[2] Bava Metzia
86b
[3] “A Vort
from Rav Pam”, Rabbi Sholom Smith
[4] The
following idea was related by Rabbi Yochanan Zweig
[5] Chullin 89a
[6] Maharsha
questions the assumption that it was stolen property, because halachically the
spoils of the war belonged to Avrohom.
[7] Chullin 89a
[8] See Tosafos
Menachos 43b
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