Rabbi Doniel Staum, LMSW
Rabbi, Kehillat New Hempstead
Rebbe/Guidance Counselor – ASHAR
Principal – Ohr Naftoli- New Windsor
STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
VAYERA 5775
“EDUCATION
FOR LIFE”
This week’s Stam Torah is
lovingly dedicated in memory of my Savta (Father’s Mother), Shprintza bas Avrohom
Yitzchok, Mrs. Minnie Staum a’h, whose yahrtzeit is 17 Cheshvan. May her
neshama have an aliyah.
My Rebbe, Rabbi Mordechai Finkelman[1],
had a personal relationship with the beloved Rosh Yeshiva of Torah Vodaas[2],
Rav Avrohom Pam zt’l. Periodically, Rabbi Finkelman would visit Rav Pam in his
home to speak with him and to solicit his blessings, especially prior to a
holiday.
On one such occasion, Rabbi Finkelman
brought one of his sons, who was then a toddler, to receive a blessing. As
Rabbi Finkelman was conversing with Rav Pam, his son was playing on the floor with
some blocks that the Pams had in their house for their own grandchildren. In the corner of his eye Rabbi Finkelman
noticed that the tower his son was building was beginning to wobble. Concerned
that it would fall and cause a loud noise, Rabbi Finkelman causally leaned over
to straighten the blocks.
As he was about to push the blocks,
Rebbitzin Pam, who was standing on the side watching and listening, suddenly called
out, “Excuse me, what are you doing?!” Rabbi Finkelman explained that he wanted
to make sure the blocks wouldn’t fall. Rebbitzin Pam emphatically responded, “No,
No! You must not touch those blocks! When a child plays it is his way of
expressing himself and developing his imagination. You must not interfere with
what he is doing.”[3]
When G-d was about to destroy the evil
cities of Sodom
Rashi relates an astounding insight about
the manner in which Avrohom educated his children: “Thus did he (Avrohom)
instruct his children: Keep the way of G-d so that G-d will bring upon Avrohom
that which He had spoken of him[5].
The Mishna states: “Antignos of Socho would
say: Do not be like a servant who serves his master solely for the sake of
receiving his wages. But be like the servant who serves his master not for the
sake of receiving reward, and the Fear of Heaven will be upon you.”[6]
It is inconceivable that our patriarch
Avrohom did not fulfill this dictum! If so, how could Avrohom, the paragon of
kindness and righteousness, and the bulwark of faith, instruct his children to
follow the commandments of G-d so that they merit reward and personal gain?
The Nikolsberger Rebbe[7]
explains that this was indeed the manner in which Avrohom instructed and educated
his children. Avrohom was modeling for his progeny the proper mode of educating
children. Avrohom demonstrated that one must relate to every child according to
his/her level and capacity. Young children are too callow to appreciate the intrinsic
benefit of Service to G-d. They have not yet developed the maturity and depth to
comprehend the concept of developing a relationship with an intangible yet
omnipotent G-d. Therefore, in order to train a child to act properly, one must
help the child feel excited and see the benefit in doing the right thing, on
the child’s level.
This idea is expressed by the legendary
words of Shlomo Hamelech: “Educate each child according to his way; even when
he becomes old he will not deviate from it.”[8]
The message is that if one wants to instill values in a child that will remain
with the child throughout life, he must seek to convey those values in a manner
which speaks to the child’s soul on a personal level.
Thus, when Avrohom wanted to guide his young
children to adhere to G-d’s Commandments, he spoke to them about the personal
benefit they would enjoy if they did so.
The Nikolsberger Rebbe continues by quoting
the timeless words of the Rambam[9]:
“Give heart to hear my words about this topic. A young child enters to learn
Torah from an educator. This is the ultimate good for the child because (through
its study) he can reach perfection. However, because of his young age and lack
of wisdom, he does not understand its great value, nor (does he comprehend the
greatness of attaining) perfection. Behold, the educator is compelled to awaken
him to study by (offering him) things that are dear to him in his young age. He
should say to him, ‘Learn and I will give you walnuts and almonds’, or, ‘I will
give you a little bit of honey’. At that point he will learn – not because of
the (internal benefit of) study, for he does not understand its value – but for
the treats which to him are valuable. He sees his studying and toiling as a
means to receive a walnut or a bit of honey.
“Then, as he grows older and matures, the
things which he used to think were valuable now lose their value. At that point
the educator must tell him, ‘learn and I will buy you nice shoes or a nice
article of clothing….”
The Rambam continues by explaining that at
every stage of the youngster’s life the educator must “up the ante”. He must continue
to offer incentives that the child deems valuable so that the child will want
to continue learning.
Eventually, when the child matures enough,
he will begin to realize and appreciate the internal value of Torah study. Because
of all the incentives and rewards he received he will have become conditioned
and trained to spend his time studying and will begin to appreciate its
greatness. At that point, he will begin to serve G-d and study Torah out of
love and sheer devotion; external incentives will no longer be necessary.
At the Torah Umesorah convention in May
2008, along with a few other Rabbeim, I had the pleasure of accompanying Rabbi
Reuven Feinstein[10]
for a walk early Shabbos morning. As we walked someone posed the following
question to the Rosh Yeshiva: The Medrash[11]
notes that although one’s Yetzer Hara (“Evil Inclination”) joins him at birth,
a child does not merit his Yetzer Tov (“Good Inclination”) until his Bar Mitzvah.
If that is the case, why do we bother trying to educate our children throughout
their formative years? If they lack the capacity to do good anyway, why don’t
we commence the religious education process at the child’s Bar Mitzvah?
Rabbi Feinstein replied that our
understanding of the Medrash is flawed. The Medrash does not mean to imply that
before his Bar Mitzvah a child lacks the capacity to perform good deeds and to
act appropriately.[12]
The purpose of the Good Inclination is that it grants a person the ability to
act out of genuine altruism. Because a child lacks a Good Inclination he cannot
be expected to do anything solely because it is the right thing to do. A child
requires incentive; he must see the personal benefit and enjoyment that he will
have when he does what is expected of him.
[It is worthy to note that I subsequently mentioned
to Rabbi Feinstein that it has now become in vogue to try to encourage children
to perform – not for external incentive – but in order to build their own sense
of self-worth and self-esteem. We want our children to realize and appreciate
the sense of inner fulfillment that one enjoys when he feels accomplished. I
asked if that too is beyond the purview of a child?
Rabbi Feinstein replied that a child can
indeed be motivated because he wants to feel satisfied and fulfilled. That
sensation is itself an incentive (perhaps a far more valuable incentive). One
who acts in order to feel that inner fulfillment, worthy as that is, is not
acting completely altruistically.
In truth, even as adults the overwhelming
majority of most people’s actions contain ulterior motives, including the
desire for appreciation, accolades, and even an inner feeling of self-worth.
However, unlike children, we intrinsically possess the ability to act out of
pure unadulterated goodness and kindness, if we seek to develop that
ability. To act out of sheer altruism requires a very high level of piety and
selflessness. In fact it borders on the Divine, for all that G-d does is out of
complete love and a desire to give, for He lacks nothing. An adult has the
capacity to reach that extreme level as well.]
Although a child is born with innate
characteristics and temperament, he/she essentially enters the world with a
blank slate. It is incumbent upon the educators in his life (i.e. his parents
and teachers) to educate him in a manner which the child can relate to. In our
fast-paced, rapidly changing society, our children are so often robbed of their
ability to enjoy the greatest gift of all, the gift of youth. Proper Torah-based
chinuch includes deep sensitivity for a child’s development and all that such
development entails.
It is tragic that it has become rare to see
children exploring the outdoors in an unstructured manner. Too much involvement
with computer games, toys that light up, and dolls that speak, robs children of
their vital need to utilize their imaginations and develop their sense of
wonder. The bliss of natural pleasure is the greatest gift we can give, such as
encouraging a child to jump in a pile of leaves, play in the snow, and run
around and explore the wonders of G-d’s Creation.
A child also cannot be taught in the same
manner as one teaches an adult. He must be trained to act appropriately by
realizing the sweetness and inherent good that one enjoys when fulfilling the
Will of G-d and studying His Torah.
It is appropriate to conclude with an
anecdote involving Rabbi Reuven Feinstein’s own childhood. When he was a child
he would study with his saintly father, the foremost Torah leader and halachic
authority of the previous generation, Harav Moshe Feinstein zt’l. During the
summer, when the Feinstein family would travel up to the Catskill
Mountains , young Reuven would learn with his father outside. There
was a tractor that would drive through the bungalow and offer hayrides to the
young children. When the tractor would appear in the distance, Rabbi Moshe
Feinstein would gently close his son’s sefer and send him off to enjoy the
ride.
Rabbi Moshe Feinstein knew the value of
every word of Torah study more than anyone else in the world. There was nary a
free moment during his day when he wasn’t studying from a text or reviewing
passages of Torah by heart. But his son was only a child!
“Because he commands his children… in order
that G-d might bring…”
“Even when he becomes old he will not
deviate from it.”
[1] Rabbi Finkelman
is the Mashgiach (student guide and advisor) at Yeshivas Ohr HaChaim in Queens , NY
[3] When recounting the story Rabbi Finkelman added that
the Finkelman and Pam families share a warm friendship and, therefore, the
Rebbitzin felt comfortable offering him ‘friendly rebuke’.
[4] Bereishis
18:17-19
[5] i.e. all
the blessings of prosperity and posterity
[6] Avos 1:3
[7] Rabbi Yosef
Yechiel Michel Lebovits, (Kuntrus V’zos Hamitzva)
[8] Mishlei
22:6
[9] Peirush
Mishnayos, Sanhedrin, Chapter 10 (Note: The quote is my own loose translation
of the words of the Rambam. I have not done them justice.)
[11] Koheles
Rabba 4:13
[12] If that
was the case, then our efforts to educate a child prior to his reaching the age
of Bar Mitzvah would truly be futile.
0 comments:
Post a Comment