Rabbi Doniel Staum, LMSW
Rabbi, Kehillat New Hempstead
Rebbe/Guidance Counselor – ASHAR
Principal – Ohr Naftoli- New Windsor
STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
VAYECHI 5775
“PERSONAL
BLESSSINGS”
As a School Social Worker, I often discuss with
students the concept of having a healthy self-image. I explain that in order to
develop healthy self-esteem, one must have a clear understanding of his
strengths so he can appreciate and develop them. At the same time however, he
must also realize his deficiencies so that he can be mentally prepared to deal
with them.
We also discuss the fact that everybody has
some weaknesses and difficulties. In life, we find fulfillment by capitalizing
our areas of strengths and expertise. We also contemplate ways to compensate
for our deficiencies. In the corporate world people seek occupations which
allow them to feel competent and fulfilled.
I will then often ask the students, “What
can you do if you are terrible with numbers and constantly struggle with
mathematics and science?” They invariably offer a few ideas before I smile and
say, “Well you know you can always become a school social worker![1]”
After he descended to Egypt
It therefore seems shocking that
Yaakov offered words of harsh rebuke to his three eldest sons. After mentioning
the superiority and nobility that Reuven was entitled to receive as the
firstborn, Yaakov told him that he had forfeited all of it. “You were impetuous
like water, you cannot be foremost, because you mounted your father’s bed; then
you desecrated Him Who ascended my couch.”
Then, turning to the mighty Shimon and
Levi, Yaakov lashed out at them for furtively decimating the inhabitants of the
city of Shechem. “Accursed is their rage for it is intense, and their wrath for
it is harsh; I will separate them within Yaakov, and I will disperse them in
Yisroel.”
What is the meaning behind Yaakov’s words?
If these messages were so profound and encompassing, why did Yaakov speak such
harsh words to Reuven, Shimon, and Levi? Furthermore, these messages are known
as, “the blessings of Yaakov”. If Reuven, Shimon, and Levi were chastised how
were they blessed?
Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe zt’l explained that a
person’s innate characteristics and personality traits are an integral
component of his identity and individuality. Yet, a person can live his entire
life without knowing or understanding his virtues or his deficiencies. One who
is not intimately familiar with himself will never be able to develop his
potential and become the person he is destined to be.
Yaakov gave his children the greatest
possible blessing that one can give - he taught them about themselves! He
revealed to them the driving force behind their personalities and approach to
life. That knowledge is the greatest information any person can know.
Our Sages[2]
relate that at the time when one’s soul departs from this world, three angels
approach it and demand, “Arise and state your name!” Then the deceased replies,
“The heavens and earth can testify on my behalf that I have no idea what my
name is.”[3]
At that point, the angel will strike him with chains of iron and break his
bones.
What is the meaning behind this Medrash?
When the angels demand of the soul that it
state its name, they are not merely asking for the name he/she was known by.
Rather, they are demanding to know the essence of the person: “What are you?
What defined you in your lifetime? You lived for eighty years; how would you
encapsulate your essence?” The sobering reality is that even after living an
entire life most people will be unable to adequately answer that question.
The blessing of Yaakov was that he conveyed
to each child the characteristic which was at the epicenter of their being.
Reuven possessed innate impetuousness, while Shimon and Levi had tempers which
could cause great detriment. However, Reuven’s impetuousness was indicative of
an inner enthusiasm which, if channeled, could be utilized for much good.
Still, it was too dangerous for him to bear the role of monarch and priesthood,
for those required patience and other attributes that Reuven did not possess. Therefore,
it was for his own benefit that Yaakov took away those positions from his
descendants.
Shimon and Levi’s wrath indicated that they
possessed zealous and fiery spirits. Therefore, Yaakov declared that he would
scatter them among their brethren so they could share their passion with
others. As teachers they would be compelled to control their zealousness and
utilize it only for good.
Rabbi Wolbe notes that this concept is of
extreme importance. A person who is driven by a desire for honor but fails to
recognize it within himself, can destroy himself. However, one who recognizes
that he has this inclination can seek to transcend that pernicious component of
his personality.
Avrohom’s nephew Lot is a tragic example of this idea. Lot
was a great man but he had a penchant for immorality.[4]
The Alter of Kelm adds that Lot also had a
tremendous desire for money. If so, how could he allow himself to move to the
notoriously infamous city of Sodom Lot
failed to realize these aspects of his own personality.[5]
Had Lot recognized these character traits
he could have saved himself from tremendous mishap and detriment to himself and
his family.
When Yaakov completed his narratives to each
of his sons, the Torah continues: “All these are the tribes of Israel
Rabbi Samson Rafael Hirsch zt’l explains
that the Torah’s lengthy quotation of Yaakov’s messages to his sons was not the
blessing that he gave them. Those blessings were only given afterwards and are
not explicitly quoted in the Torah.
“They are all tribes of Israel, all belong
to the whole, are all fundamental ‘props’, pillars that G-d had dug deep in the
lap of time, on which the structure of the nation is to build itself; and this
– it is not the blessing that Yaakov gave his children, for it is partly only
description of their characteristics – but it was what their father said about
them (“דיבר
להם”), how he described
each one in their special characteristics when he blessed them. But, “with a
blessing in accordance with their specialties” did he thereupon bless them.
After he had proclaimed the specialty of each one of them, he blessed him accordingly,
that in his specialty he should find blessing, i.e. happiness and satisfaction.
Even those who did receive a blessing together with their designation, and
perhaps especially those, still required this special blessing, that the
external blessed position that was to be theirs, should be a real blessing for
them…. Each one participated in a general blessing, and the special blessing of
each one was for the benefit of all.”
The blessing of Yaakov could only be given
to individuals who understood and valued their uniqueness and individuality.[6]
Indeed, we often encounter individuals who are blessed but do not know how to
handle their blessings or how to utilize them properly.
Our task in life is to try to understand
ourselves. This is by no means a simple task, and it requires an entire
lifetime of introspection, meticulous self-appraisal, and candid honesty with
ourselves. We are fluid beings constantly changing as we travel along the
journey of life. As we do, our understanding of ourselves must deepen as well.
The ultimate goal and task of any educator
is to help our children understand their own beauty, value, and competence.
When a child has reached that level of understanding he/she is better equipped
to handle his/her deficiencies and shortcomings. This is a very individualized
task, for no two people are alike.
In the words of one educator, “All children
are gifted, but some children open their gifts later than others.” Our task is
to guide our children, by helping them see past the wrapping paper.
“Assemble
and I will tell you what will befall you”
“Each
in accordance with his special blessing did he bless them”
[1] It also
helps to have a calculator and a wise wife who is also adept at math and
science.
[2] In Rabbi
Wolbe’s sefer (the newly printed collection of his insights on Chumash
Bereishis), this thought is quoted merely as “Our Sages say”, without a specific
source.
[3] It is for
this reason that after the Chevra Kadisha has completed its work of laying a
body into a grave, one of the members whispers in the ear of the deceased, “Fargest
nisht dayn na’amin- Do not forget your name!” and then whispers his/her
name.
This is also
why there is a prevalent custom for one to recite a verse that alludes to his
name just prior to the conclusion of the recitation of Shemoneh Esrei thrice
daily.
[4] See
Bereishes Rabbah 41:7
[5] We can
suggest that perhaps his being in the shadow of his righteous uncle Avrohom did
not allow his evil character traits to emerge. Lot may also have reasoned that
if he would move to Sodom
he could influence the people to rectify their ways. Indeed, he was appointed
the leader of the city within a short time. This may have further convinced him
of the veracity of his rationalizations.
[6] Rabbi
Hirsch’s explanation differs from Rabbi Wolbe’s on this point. Rabbi Hirsch
understands that Yaakov blessed his children after relating to them about their
individual purpose and uniqueness. Rabbi Wolbe however, understands that when
Yaakov related to them about themselves, that itself was his blessing, even to
those sons that he rebuked. [As a father, there was nothing Yaakov desired more
than the success and growth of his children. His final messages to them
contained the keys that would allow them to reach their potential.] Both are in
agreement however, that Yaakov’s primary message to his sons was about their
individual essence and value.
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