Rabbi Doniel Staum, LMSW
Rabbi, Kehillat New Hempstead
Rebbe/Guidance Counselor – ASHAR
Principal – Ohr Naftoli- New Windsor
STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
BEHA’ALOSCHA 5775
“TRUSTWORTHY”
Whenever I speak to young students
about the concept of friendship, I begin by asking them to describe the
character traits they look for in a friend. They are quick to mention the
obvious traits - “nice”, “playful”, “share”, “fun”, “helping”, etc. After they
have told me their answers I mention two integral traits that they consistently
overlook: “respect” and “trust”. Respect means that my friend respects me for
who I am as an individual. Trust means that I feel comfortable and secure that
my friend knows many personal things about me which I would not necessarily
share with others. I trust that he will respect my confidentiality. A
friendship/relationship that lacks trust is not much of a friendship at all.
At the conclusion of parshas
Beha’aloscha the Torah relates the debacle of Miriam speaking loshon hora
(slander) about Moshe. Tzipporah, Moshe’s wife, mentioned to Miriam that Moshe
maintained a certain distance from her. Not realizing that it was Divinely
decreed, Miriam felt that it was an affront to Tzipporah. She repeated the information
to Aharon who agreed with Miriam’s conclusion. They felt that they too were
prophets and yet they did not separate from their wives, so Moshe should not
have done so either[1].
G-d immediately responded by
chastising them for speaking against Moshe. Moshe had a higher level of
prophecy than they did and therefore needed to maintain a more elevated level
of separation. “Hear now my words. If there shall be prophets among you, in a
vision shall I, G-d, make Myself known to him; in a dream shall I speak with
him. Not so is My servant Moshe; in My entire house he
is the trusted one. Mouth to mouth do I speak to him, in a clear vision and not
in riddles, at the image of G-d does he gaze. Why did you not fear to speak
against My servant Moshe?”[2]
The Netziv
explains the meaning of the words, “B’chol basee ne’eman hu- In My entire house he
is the trusted one”, as follows: “He (Moshe) knows the Ineffable Name (of G-d)
which was used to create heaven and earth. However, with the steadfastness of
his heart, he doesn’t do anything (with the Name)[3].
The title “ne’eman - trusted one” is only applicable to one who has the
ability to do, but doesn’t!”
Rabbi
Avrohom Pam zt’l illustrated this idea by comparing it to a king who had an
extremely loyal and devoted advisor. The advisor served the king dutifully and
faithfully for decades and was privy to the innermost secrets involving the
entire kingdom, including the keys that contained the king’s vast treasures and
wealth. Yet the servant never tried to open the combination, because the king
never instructed him to do so.
That is the meaning of
a ne’eman; someone who completely subjugates himself to the will of his
master and can be relied upon to never betray that trust.
Rabbi Pam
continued that with this in mind we have an added insight into the customary
blessing bestowed upon every bride and groom, “May you merit to build a bayis
ne’eman b’Yisroel[4]”.
When two individuals live together they learn about the innermost aspects of
each other’s personalities. They see their true natures, including their faults,
weaknesses, and vulnerabilities.
The job of each spouse
is to compliment the other by building up their strengths and helping them
overcome their challenges. A marriage that is “ne’eman” is one in which
both spouses never betrays that trust. No matter how difficult things may become,
despite all the vicissitudes they are confronted with, they will never disloyally
unlock the combination that contains the intimate aspects of the other. A bayis
ne’eman is a home that contains the trust that both spouses are dedicated
to the preservation of the relationship through building each other!
The gemara[5]
mentions that there were four individuals who never committed a sin during
their lifetimes: Binyamin the son of Yaakov, Amram the father of Moshe, Yishai
the father of Dovid, and Kalev the son of Dovid.
If these four
individuals never sinned why are they not the Patriarchs of Israel? Why do we
commence our prayers by acknowledging the “G-d of Avrohom, the G-d of Yitzchok,
and the G-d of Yaakov”, and not the “G-d of Binyamin, Amram, Yishai, and
Kalev”?
Chasam Sofer explained that truthfully if we
utilize a quantitative measure, those four individuals were greater. However,
they all lived a relatively hermitical lifestyle. They were not thrust into
leadership positions which forced them to deal with the frustrations of
leadership[6].
The patriarchs however, all lived lives that involved interpersonal
relationships. In fact, much of their lives consisted of the struggle to live
among extremely challenging individuals.
Ultimately our job is
not to overcome sin but to transcend the pitfalls and challenges of life. In
that regard our Patriarchs are our paragons.
The “Seven
Shepherds[7]”
of Klal Yisroel are our greatest leaders, not because they never sinned, but
because they triumphed over the perennial struggles of life. Therefore, our
prayers begin by specifically declaring the Divinity of the Patriarchs for their
example serves as our lodestars.
On Shabbos morning we
state: “Moshe rejoiced with the gift of his portion (i.e. the Torah which he
transmitted) because he was called a faithful servant.” All of the esoteric
secrets of the universe are hidden in the Torah, including all of human history[8].
Although we are not privy to understanding how to decipher those secrets, Moshe
Rabbeinu was. Moshe was titled the faithful servant because G-d was able to
place His confidence in Moshe that he would not breach the ‘trust’ of knowing
G-d’s greatest secrets vis-à-vis this world. Moshe’s joy was inextricably
connected with his being titled a trustworthy Servant of G-d.
In regards
to our relationships as well, we must seek to be a ne’eman, never backing
down in the face of a challenge and yet always being someone whom others can
trust.
“One who has the ability to do, but doesn’t!”
“My
servant Moshe; in My entire house he is the trusted one”
[1] Despite the fact that Miriam and Aharon loved Moshe unconditionally, and
despite the fact that Miriam only spoke out of sincere concern, it was
considered loshon hara and she was stricken with tzara’as. Miriam’s
‘mistake’ is the symbol for how vigilant one must be in regards to gossiping
and slandering others.
[2] Bamidbar 12:6-8
[3] In
other words, since G-d created the world by uttering His Name, as it were, one
who knows G-d’s Ineffable Name has the ability to perform miracles and alter
the course of nature if he so desires. Despite the fact that Moshe was quite
familiar with those Names and could have performed miracles at will, he never
did so. He adhered to G-d’s Word and never beyond!
[4] Literally
– “A trustworthy home in Israel ;”
[5] Shabbos
55b
[6] This is
not a criticism of them. This was simply not their allotted role in life.
[7] The
Patriarchs, Moshe, Aharon, Yosef, and Dovid
[8] It is
legendary that the Vilna Gaon knew where he himself was alluded to in the
Torah, as well as others.
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