STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
PINCHOS 5778
“SIBLING UNITY”
Harbaugh parents "try not to
compare" Super Bowl sons
CBS NEWS February 1,
2013
NFL coaches John and Jim Harbaugh
will square off against each other in Sunday's Super Bowl, becoming the first
sibling coaches to face each other in the big game. Their parents, Jack and
Jackie Harbaugh, will be on hand -- although, out of sight -- on Sunday to
share in their sons' anxiety, wins, and losses.
In a press conference on Wednesday,
Jack said like most parents, they will feel the sting of defeat right along
with the son who loses the game.
"Every single parent can
identify with that. That thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. On Sunday
night, we're going to experience both of those great emotions. Our thoughts
will be with the one that comes up a little short," Harbaugh said.
Friday on "CBS This
Morning," the Harbaughs said that for now, they are focused on enjoying
the moment…
Jack added that he got some choice
advice from NFL Hall of Famer John Elway "when Jim was junior at Palo Alto
high." Elway told Harbaugh, "Anytime you have two youngsters like
this and you compare, you're demeaning one or the other. So we try not to
compare. We try to find similarities in the two," Jack Harbaugh
explained…”
After the disastrous debacle
with the daughters of Midyan which ended because of the courageous act of
Pinchas who stood up for the honor of Hashem, the Torah records the consensus
of the nation.
Rashi, quotes the Tanchuma,
who compares the need for a consensus at this point, to a shepherd whose flock
was attacked by wolves. After the attack, the shepherd counts the flock to know
how many remain.
When the Torah records the
numbers, it does so by family, listing the heads and names of each family that
comprised the nation. Curiously, regarding two tribes the Torah seems to be
repetitive: “...this is the family of Dan according to
their families.”[1] “These are the families of
Naphtali according to their families...”[2]
Why does the Torah seem to
stress it’s listing of the families of Dan and Naphtali?
The Birchas Ish[3] offers a novel explanation: In
Parshas Vayeshev, the Torah relates that Yosef had a dream that the sun and
moon and stars were bowing down to him. He subsequently related the dream to
his father and brothers. The Torah states, “His father scolded him, and said to
him, “what is this dream that you have dreamt? Are we to come - I and your mother
and your brothers - to bow down to you to the ground?””[4]
Rashi there quotes the Medrash
which explains that Yaakov wanted to deride the dream in the presence of the
brothers[5] by demonstrating that it was
impossible for it to be fulfilled. The moon in the dream was obviously symbolic
of Yosef’s mother, Rochel. But she had died well before, so it was impossible
for her to ever bow to Yosef. The Medrash concludes that Yaakov failed to
realize that the moon in the dream was a reference to Bilhah, who had become
Yosef’s surrogate mother after Rochel’s death.
It seems that the reason why Bilhah
became the mother figure to Yosef following Rochel’s death was because she was
Rochel’s maid. It was for that reason that following the death of Rochel,
Yaakov moves his bed into the tent of Bilhah. Since she was now caring for the
sons of Rochel, that was how Yaakov could be close to Yosef and Binyamin, the
“children of his old age”.
Bilhah herself had two sons -
Dan and Naphtali. When Bilhah welcomed Yosef and Binyamin into her tent, it’s
conceivable that it was a great challenge for Dan and Naphtali. At that point
the attention they received from their mother was going to be compromised by
the “favored children” of Yaakov.
In addition, Yosef and
Binyamin were orphans from their mother, and people are naturally inclined to
be more compassionate towards orphans. That too would cause their mother to
curry additional love towards Yosef and Binyamin.
Although it is logical that
Dan and Naftali would have felt resentful towards Yosef and Binyamin, that was
not at all the case. When Yosef was sold into slavery, Rashi notes that the
driving forces behind the sale were Shimon and Levi. He proves why each of the
other tribes couldn’t have been the primary protagonists of the sale, noting
that it couldn’t have been the sons of the maids because they had a better
relationship with Yosef than the sons of Leah.
The fact that Dan and Naftali
had a relationship with Yosef demonstrates that they had a tremendous sense of
humility, and therefore weren’t jealous of their half-brothers. Yaakov must
have recognized these virtues in Dan and Naftali and, therefore, was not
hesitant to allow Bilhah to become their surrogate mother.
Perhaps that is why the Torah
emphasizes and repeats the word family regarding these two tribes. It is
unfortunately not uncommon for there to arise competitiveness and jealousy
among siblings, which often lasts into adulthood, and at times can even effect
generations.
The humility of Dan and
Naftali had repercussions long after they were gone. Their descendants
internalized and maintained their sense of love and respect for siblings, which
is the foundation upon which successful families are created. In this regard,
the families of Dan and Naftali represent the prototype of a family.
This powerful insight is a
reminder that families are built not only on love, but also upon mutual respect.
We can love siblings and yet be jealous and resentful of them. For there be to
a true familial spirit, siblings must respect their differences and share in
each other’s joy and challenges.
Parents are faced with the
daunting challenge of, not only raising their family, but also to identify and
build upon the strengths and uniqueness of every individual child.
There is a powerful quote in
the world of education: “To treat all children equally, is to treat them
unfairly!” Each child needs his/her own level and mode of attention and must be
addressed in that manner.
It’s a tall and often
overwhelming task, which is why we need to constantly daven that Hashem give us
the necessary siyata d’shmaya to give each child what he/she needs.
“This is the family of Dan
according to their families”
“These are the families of
Naphtali according to their families.”
Rabbi Dani Staum,
LMSW
Rebbe/Guidance
Counselor – Heichal HaTorah
Principal – Ohr
Naftoli- New Windsor
[3] Rav Avrohom Shain. Rabbi Shain has quite a few beautiful explanations of
some of the pesukim involving the consensus. He derives numerous insights from
a section of the Torah which most breeze through when learning it.
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