STAM TORAH
CHAYEI SARAH
5780
“THE GIFT
OF GIVING”
When my wife and I got engaged, my
father enjoyed telling people that we did so primarily because we liked the
fact that our names rhymed – “Dani and Chani” has a great ring to it. But the
truth is that there was another reason we got engaged – our monogram spelled
out the word “Chesed”[1].
We knew that would be a great topic for Sheva Berachos speeches…
Rabbi Moshe Wolfson shlita notes that there is a beautiful reason behind
the custom that a choson gives his kallah a diamond ring when they become
engaged: The Ramak writes that each middah (character trait) is represented by
a different color[2].
When one looks at a diamond, he sees every color reflected in its prism.
However, the base color is white.
In order to foster a healthy marriage
both spouses need to possess a combination and balance of all character traits
at different times. But the universal and fundamental middah required is chesed,
symbolized by white! A strong marriage is built upon the foundation of chesed -
when both spouses strive to perform chesed for each other and when both
constantly recognize and are grateful to each other for all they do.[3]
There is a chesed organization in Monsey that provides
volunteer drivers to help people get to needed destinations, such as doctor
appointments, hospital visits, etc.
Rabbi Yisroel Saperstein[4]
related to me that a chassidish driver for that organization had recounted to
him the following personal story:
He once received a call in the middle
of the night that there was a family who needed to get to Baltimore as quickly
as possible for an emergency medical procedure. The man agreed to take them[5],
and after dropping them off, he went to a nearby shul in Baltimore to daven
shachris.
Because he had rushed out in the
middle of the night, he didn’t have his talis and tefillin with him. He saw
someone finishing davening with a pervious minyan, and asked if he could borrow
the man’s talis and tefillin. He assured the man that as soon as he finished
davening, he would bring the talis and tefillin wherever he wanted them to be
brought. At first the man was hesitant. He wanted to know why the driver had
come to shul without his own talis and tefillin. When the driver explained the predicament,
the man couldn’t get over the extent of the chessed he had done, driving over three
hours in the middle of the night to help a family he never met.
He told the driver he would be happy
to let him use his talis and tefillin, and he informed the driver where to
leave them in the shul when he was done using them.
Sometime later this driver, who is a
salesman by trade, arranged a meeting with the wealthy owner of a large
company. It was a potentially lucrative deal for the driver, and he was eager
to make the connection. He walked into the meeting and immediately recognized
the owner as the person whose talis and tefillin he had borrowed a few days
earlier in shul. The owner recognized him as well and reassured him that he was
eager to give such a ba’al chesed his business, and he immediately placed a
large order.
On the topic of chesed and the
benefits we accrue when we perform acts of chesed, I share the following
poignant thoughts that were related by Rabbi Leibel Chaitovsky, the week of
parshas Chayei Sarah 5779, to the older students of Ashar:
Several years ago, during the winter there
was a Torah Bowl event hosted here at Ashar. There was a prediction of a winter
storm, but it wasn’t supposed to start until evening.
Their prediction wasn’t very accurate,
and it started earlier than expected. It began raining in the early afternoon, after
which it quickly turned to sleet. It became apparent that the team that had
traveled the furthest distance to get to us, was not going to be able to drive
home that day. The roads were becoming treacherous and it was dangerous to
drive through such a storm. Their teacher asked me if I had any idea where they
could stay for the night.
One boy was very inspired by the Torah
Bowl meeting. He ran over to me and said, “They need a place? They can come to
me! Not only can they come for supper, and sleep for the night, they all can
stay for a week, or as long as they need.” I looked at the boy quizzically,
“Did you ask your parents before you made such a magnanimous offer?” He
laughed, “I don’t need to. Everyone knows that people can come to my house
uninvited.”
How many people would welcome a group
of ten people to stay for many nights? This story never happened at Ashar, but
it did happen with Rivka Imeinu. She met Eliezer at the well and immediately invited
him and his entourage. It is incredible that Rivka, a young girl, knew she
could invite such a large group, including many camels to stay in their home
for many nights, without even consulting her parents.
Rabbi Aharon Leib Shteinman zt”l
relates[6]
that Rivka’s family was wealthy, and had many maids and servants. We see this
from the fact that when she ultimately returned with Eliezer, her family sent
her with a maid. She didn’t need to go to the well herself to draw water. In
fact, that night was the first time she had ever gone there.[7]
She arrived at the well towards evening when everyone was leaving to go home
for the day.
Right before the Torah talks about Eliezer
leaving to find a wife for Yitzchok, the Torah says that Hashem blessed Avrohom
בכל – with everything. When Hashem told Avrohom to leave his home
and his family it was with those same letters לך
לך. There
were three blessings Avrohom received when he arrived in Eretz Yisroel:
Children, wealth, and fame. Hashem blessed Avrohom with כל – he received all
three blessings.
Just how famous was Avrohom?
Rav Avigdor Miller zt’l relates an
incredible idea:
From where did Rivkah learn such magnanimous
behavior? Such extreme acts of kindness are not merely the product of a kind
heart. Such extreme and even fanatical devotion to the service of kindliness to
travelers could have been learned only from one model. There was only one other
person in the world who went to such extremes to perform chesed for strangers: Rivka’s
great-uncle in Eretz Canaan, Avrohom.
This young girl growing up in
Mesopotamia, listened carefully to the tales that travelers would relate about
her uncle, Avraham. There was communication between the family in Canaan and their
kin in Mesopotamia; they were familiar with details about each other’s lives. The
caravans traveling back and forth, brought news of Avraham’s behavior, and the
fame of this “prince of G-d” as the Canaanites called him[8],
spread far and wide.
The travelers’ related stories about
the unusual lavishness of Avraham’s hospitality. Avraham didn’t suffice himself
with mere kindness. Avraham planted an orchard and it was there that he would
serve his guests royally. He sat with them and served them. He searched for
opportunities to perform chesed wherever he could. Even as an old man, he ran
in the scorching heats to welcome three Bedouins. The stories of Avraham’s
hospitality were so extraordinary, that they were recounted far and wide.
Rivka listened to the stories about
Avraham and took them to heart. Her soul was set on fire with enthusiasm for
chesed, to imitate the practices of her great uncle. That is why the words
describing Rivkah’s chesed are the same words the Torah used to describe the
deeds of Avraham. ותמהר… ותרץ – And she hastened…and she ran.”
Although Rivkah lived among the
dishonest idolaters in Mesopotamia[9], she
emulated Avrahama and became a person of chesed. The Medrash[10] relates
that Rivkah was a שושנה בין החוחים – “A rose among thorns.” A rose can’t grow
unless it is watered and cared for. What was that “water” that Rivkah grew on? The
lessons of Avraham Avinu.
When we perform acts of chesed, we
strive to do so altruistically, simply to follow the legacy of Avrohom and
Rivka, as chesed is one of the hallmarks of being a Jew. But it’s encouraging
to remember that ultimately when we perform acts of chesed we are the greatest
beneficiaries and often will never know how much we ourselves gain from performing
those acts.
“A rose among thorns”
“And she hastened…and she ran”
Rabbi Dani Staum LMSW
Rebbe, Heichal HaTorah, Teaneck, NJ
Principal, Ohr Naftali, New Windsor NY
[1] דניאל חנה סטאום
= חסד
[2] Ohr Ne’erav 6:4:10; for example, red symbolizes gevurah (spiritual
strength), while yellow symbolizes tiferes/rachamim (pride/mercy) a perfect
blend of kindness and spiritual strength.
[3] Heard from
Rabbi Mordechai Finkelman
[4] Rabbi of Kehillas
Ohaiv Shalom in New Hempstead
[5] Baltimore is
about three and a half hours away from Monsey; he left in the middle of the
night to drive a family he didn’t know, without pay!!!
[6] Ayeles
Hashachar
[7] That
is why the pasuk (24:15) states “v’hennay – and behold Rivkah was going out”.
It uses an expression of “behold” to demonstrate that it was an unusual
occurrence.
[8] Bereishis 23:6
[9] Bereishis Rabbah 63:4
[10] Ibid.
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