Rabbi
Doniel Staum, LMSW
Rabbi,
Kehillat New Hempstead
Social
Worker, Yeshiva Bais Hachinuch/ASHAR
STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
VAYECHI 5774
“SACRED
UNION ”
A young man and woman, both of whom had grown
up in completely irreligious homes and had struggled mightily to keep Torah and
mitzvos, finally stood under the chupah together, preparing to unite as husband
and wife “כדת משה וישראל – According to
the dictates of Moshe and Yisroel.” A Rabbi who was close with the young couple
and familiar with their challenges, spoke under the chupah and recounted the
following thought:
The Dubner Maggid
related a parable about a king who had three daughters. When the first daughter
became engaged she approached the king. “Father, I will soon be married and
living a great distance from the palace. I will not be able to see you for long
intervals of time. If you would give me the priceless vase that adorns your
dining room table I will place it upon the dining room table in my new home and
it will remind me of you constantly.” The king acquiesced.
Some time later the
second daughter became engaged as well. She too approached her father prior to
the wedding with a similar request. “Father, if you would give me a ruby from
your crown, I will place it on a ring that I will wear on my finger. Whenever I
look at it I will remember your home and all the lessons you taught me.” The
king lovingly gave her the ruby for her ring.
When the third
daughter became engaged the king waited to see what she would ask for. When she
approached him he was surprised by her request; she wanted the blueprints of
the palace. The king was bewildered, “Your sisters asked for expensive items.
Why would you want the plans for the palace?” She explained, “Father, if I take
a particular item from you it will remind me of you whenever I see it. However,
I wish to build my home as an exact replica of yours. In this way, everything
about my home – in fact my home itself - will remind me of you and I will think
about you all day long.”
The Dubner Maggid
explained that there are those who leave a portion of their homes unfinished as
the Gemarah instructs. The unsightly unfinished remains serve as a perennial reminder
of the exile and that G-d’s Home, as it were, still lies in ruins in
Yerushalayim. But on a higher level there are those who transform their homes
into a Temple
The Rabbi speaking
under the chupah concluded, “Our bride and groom had to traverse many hardships
to be where they are right now. They are not looking to build a home that will reflect
the Glory of G-d. They are working to build a home for G-d.”
After Yaakov Avinu
concluded blessing his children individually and collectively, he addressed them
one final time: “I shall be gathered to my people; bury me with my fathers in
the cave…in the field of Machpelah…There they buried Avrohom and Sarah his
wife; there they buried Yitzchok and Rivkah his wife; and there I buried Leah.[1]”
Following his request, Yaakov, the last of the Patriarchs “expired and gathered
to his people[2].”
It seems strange that when Yaakov listed the
distinguished personalities who were buried in the cave of Machpelah
HaRav Shimon Schwab
zt’l[3]
explains that Yaakov’s reference to Avrohom and Sarah as well as Yitzchok and
Rivkah was not in the capacity of parents and grandparents, but as couples who
represented greatness and spiritual distinction. When people mentioned “Avrohom
and Sarah” it immediately conjured up images of extreme kindness, love, and
unyielding faith. In their home the Divine Presence was tangible and their
names represented what they stood for. In a similar vein, “Yitzchok and Rivkah”
brought to mind devotion, fear of G-d, and Divine Service on the highest level.
The Patriarchs were living examples of the Gemarah’s statement “A man and a
woman, if they merit it, the Divine Presence is between them.”[4]
When a couple gets
married and set out to build a home and family together, the principles and
ideals that they value and base their home on become synonymous with them.
Thus, if a family is dedicated to helping others, a mere mention of the family
will bring to mind the family’s kindness and goodness.
Rav Schwab explains
that when the Patriarchs and Matriarchs were buried in the cave of Machpelah cave of Machpelah cave
of Machpelah and the city of Chevron
The Torah-source for
the laws of marriage, divorce, illegitimate children, and the complex laws of
Yibbum[6],
are found in Parshas Ki Setzei, a parsha in Chumash Devorim (Deuteronomy). Rabi
Yaakov Kamenetsky zt’l[7]
notes that the mitzvos commanded in Chumash Devorim are exclusively those that
apply to the king or the entire nation. Chumash Devorim was Moshe’s final discourse
to Klal Yisroel prior to his death, and therefore he only discussed those
concepts and mitzvos that were applicable on a national level.
In essence, his words
were meant to guide and inspire the nation when - under the leadership of
Moshe’s successor Yehoshua - they would conquer Eretz Yisroel from the
Canaanites. This being the case it would seem that the laws of marriage, which
are a private endeavor, are incongruous with Chumash Devorim. It would have
been more appropriate for those laws to have been commanded in Chumash Vayikra
(Leviticus) alongside the laws of immorality and forbidden relationships?
Rabbi Kamenetsky explains
that we must conclude that the laws of marriage and everything connected to
marriage are not a private endeavor. In fact, the nation as a whole has a
vested interest in every marriage, because Klal Yisroel is built on families
and the familial structure. The holiness of Klal Yisroel is inextricably bound
to the holiness that radiates within a Jewish home predicated on Torah and
mitzvos. Conversely, when a marriage is forced to end or when one is deemed
unfit to marry and create a new family within Klal Yisroel, it is a tragedy of
national proportion. Therefore, the laws of marriage indeed belong specifically
in Chumash Devorim.
This idea can be
further demonstrated based on the fact that when a chosson (groom) celebrating
sheva berachos[8]
is present in shul, the entire congregation omits the recitation of tachanun[9].
[This is in contradistinction with the law pertaining to a mourner. Although if
services are held in the home of a mourner tachanun is omitted, if the mourner
davens in shul tachanun is recited.] The implication of this law is that the
mere presence of a groom is considered such a congregationally joyous event that
it warrants the omission of tachanun.
It is for this reason
that when a young couple becomes engaged we bless them that they merit
building, “A bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel- A trustworthy home in Klal
Yisroel.” Their marriage is not a personal event but one which affects our
entire nation. We are hopeful that they will build a home where the Divine
Presence will rest and the continuity of Klal Yisroel will be guaranteed.
In addition, there is
an ancient Yiddish blessing that is wished upon a bride and groom, “דער זווג זאהל עולה יפה זיין”[10].
The Satmar Rebbe, HaRav Yoel Teitlebaum zt’l, offered a novel witty interpretation
based on the literal text of the blessing:
In various places[11] the word “ עולה- olah”
is used to connote the gematria (numerical value) of a phrase. Thus, the
blessing can be reinterpreted to mean that the new match should have the
numerical value of the word “יפה –
yafeh”, which equals 95. According to the calculation of the Sefer HaChinuch,
the ninety-fifth commandment in the Torah is “They
shall make for Me a Sanctuary and I shall dwell amongst them.[12]”
In other words, our blessing to the young
couple is that the home they build should be a sanctuary for G-d’s Presence,
just as the Mishkan and Bais Hamikdash were.
“There they buried
Avrohom and Sarah his wife”
“A trustworthy home in
Klal Yisroel”
[1]
Bereishis 49:29-31
[2] 49:33
[3] Ma’ayan Bais Hashoeivah
[4] Sotah 17a
[5] [It was only out of humility that Yaakov said,
“there I buried Leah,” and not “there Leah is buried,” since Yaakov was
requesting that he be buried alongside her.]
[6] if a man dies without children his brother is
obligated to marry his brother’s widow (known as ‘Leverite Marriage’)
[7] Emes
L’Yaakov, Parshas Ki Setzei
[8] the initial festive week following a wedding
[9] the supplication that is omitted on holidays and
other joyous occasions.
[10] “Der zivvig zohl olah yafeh zain – literally - The match should ascend nicely”
[11] e.g.
Tosefos Megilla 13b
[12] Shemos
25:8
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