Rabbi
Doniel Staum, LMSW
Rabbi,
Kehillat New Hempstead
Social
Worker, Yeshiva Bais Hachinuch/ASHAR
STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
TERUMAH 5774
“A
CHARITABLE HEART”
“In the faint light of the attic, an old man, tall
and stooped, bent his great frame and made his way to a stack of boxes that sat
near one of the little half-windows. Brushing aside a wisp of cobwebs, he
tilted the top box toward the light and began to carefully lift an old worn out
journal from the box.
“Hunched over to
keep from bumping his head on the rafters, the old man stepped to the wooden
stairway and made his descent, then headed down a carpeted stairway that led to
the den.
“Opening a glass
cabinet door, he reached in and pulled out an old business journal. Turning, he
sat down at his desk and placed the two journals beside each other. His was
leather-bound and engraved neatly with his name in gold, while the old worn out
journal was his son's. His son’s name, "Jimmy", had been nearly
scuffed from its surface. He ran a long skinny finger over the letters, as
though he could restore what had been worn away with time and use.
As he opened his
journal, the old man's eyes fell upon an inscription that stood out because it
was so brief in comparison to other days. In his own neat handwriting were
these words:
“Wasted the whole
day fishing with Jimmy. Didn't catch a thing”
With a deep sigh and a shaking hand, he took Jimmy's journal and found the boy's entry for the same day, June 4. Large scrawling letters, pressed deeply into the paper, read:
“Went fishing with dad. Best day of my life.”[1]
“G-d spoke to
Moshe saying, “Speak to the B’nai Yisroel and they shall take for me a portion; from every person whose heart
inspires him to generosity, you shall take My portion.”
Why does it say that “they shall take
for me a portion” and not “they shall give for me a portion”?
The Apiryon[2]
explains that although normally a person does something in order to achieve the
result of that action, at times, one may do something because of a tangential
benefit that will result.
As a result of the Service performed in the
Mishkan[3]
the world was filled with blessing and goodness. In fact, since the Temple ’s destruction many
of the blessings that were omnipresent while it stood have ceased from the
world. When the Torah speaks about donating materials for the construction of
the Mishkan it does not mention the direct purpose, but the personal benefit
that they would have from the construction of the Mishkan, i.e. the bounty and
blessings that would result from the Divine Service being performed. Thus,
their giving was essentially “taking”, for they were taking the blessing that
would result from having a Mishkan.
The Sages explain that whenever one
selflessly donates or gives of his resources, finances, efforts, or energy he
benefits in innumerable ways that he is not aware of.
In Birchas Hamazon we petition G-d, “ונא אל תצריכנו ה' אלקינו לא לידי מתנת בשר
ודם
- Please – make us not needful
– Hashem, our G-d, of the gifts of flesh and blood…” Rabbi Yoel Teitelbaum
zt’l, the Satmar Rebbe, offered a poignant explanation of this request. The
Gemara[4]
states that there are three partners that contribute to the creation of every person:
father, mother, and G-d. One’s bones, sinews, blood, and flesh are the
contributions of the parents, while the soul is from G-d. It is G-d’s
contribution that composes the essence of life, for the body is merely an
external garment/receptacle which houses the soul while it resides in this
world.
When one gives charity begrudgingly and
with a heavy heart, he is giving solely on a physical level. In a similar vein,
if one gives out of guilt or embarrassment, his spiritual/emotional self does
not participate in the giving; it is a heartless gift. Normally when one
contributes in such a manner he does so with a sour face and an angry demeanor,
inevitably causing grief and shame to the receiver. However, one who gives exuberantly
and wholeheartedly does so with passion and warmth. Such charity is given with
heart and soul, not merely the hand.
In our prayers we beseech G-d that even if
we, G-d forbid, are forced to beg for charity and alms, our contributions
should be given not merely by “flesh and blood”, i.e. heartlessly and
unemotionally. Rather, it should be given with love and care; a contribution of
the flesh and blood coupled with the Divine spark of love and brotherhood.
There is an age old question why there is
no special blessing recited prior to giving charity? If the mitzvah of giving
charity is so important shouldn’t it warrant a unique blessing?
In addition to the many halachic reasons proffered,
Sefas Emes relates a practical psychological reason. Reciting a blessing before
contributing alms to a poor man creates an invisible barrier between the giver and
the recipient. The Torah demands that one relate to a needy person as a subject,
not merely an object. The giver must see the poor man as a dignified and
valuable human being, not merely an excuse or medium for the giver’s selfish
performance of a mitzvah that will enhance his religious experience.
Can one imagine how a needy person would
feel if a contributor, check in hand, closed his eyes, and began to recite a blessing
with tremendous fervor and concentration? A collector is not an esrog! No
matter how important and special the recitation of a blessing is, it cannot
interfere with the dignity of another person, the largesse of the contributor
not withstanding.
The Sfas Emes’s
explanation has important implications for all human relationships. When I was
in Yeshiva, an older mentor would often comment that, “nobody wants to be your
project”. In other words, if one wants to help someone who is troubled,
confused, or downtrodden, he cannot approach him as his “chessed case”. If one
does so he will be met with little success, if not downright resistance. He may
even be told to “mind your own business”.
The only way to
reach or touch another person emotionally is by truly caring about them.
Superficial love is detectable and invariably bears resentment. This is one of
the most important rules of kiruv[5].
In order to connect with others one needs to sincerely and genuinely care. Before
one can have any effect on another he must cast aside his personal agenda of
“helping” and focus on loving deeply.
In the words of
Rav Shlomo Freifeld zt’l: “If you want to draw someone closer to Torah and you
invite them to your Shabbos table, don’t give long-winded speeches at the
table. Give him a good piece of hot potato kugel. Then he’ll want to come
back!”
When one gives
charity it is not enough for him to give with his hands; he must also give with
his soul. Despite the loss one incurs when giving, one must remember that at
the same time he is “taking” and gaining far more than he seems to be giving.
The difference between giving with one’s hands and giving with one’s heart is
the difference between a giving that fosters love versus a giving that breeds
embarrassment and resentment.
“And they shall
take for me a donation”
“Went
fishing with dad. Best day of my life.”
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