Rabbi Doniel Staum, LMSW
Rabbi, Kehillat New Hempstead
Rebbe/Guidance Counselor – ASHAR
Principal – Ohr Naftoli- New Windsor
STAM
TORAH
PARSHAS
YISRO 5776
“THE PERVASIVE KVETCH”
Martin comes to Dr. Saul, the veterinarian,
with his dog. “Doctor, you gotta help my dog; he’s got a real problem.” The
doctor looks at the aging canine and asks, “What’s the problem?” Martin
replies, “Well doc, he’s a Jewish dog. His name is Irving Irving
Irving gets up, wags his tail, and walks
aimlessly around the room. He walks towards the door, then turns toward Martin
grunts and says, “Why are you always bossing me around like this? It’s
embarrassing the way you order me about like I am your slave. Do you ever
consider my arthritis or stop to think how I’m feeling? No, it’s always about
you and your silly ideas, trying to show me off to all your friends. Then you
put me on that terrible diet. You claim it’s for my health, but that dog food
stuff is so bad it’s going to kill me. You take me out for a walk only once
every three days, and even then it’s only for a few minutes. I should roll over
and play dead and see if you would even care.”
Dr. Saul’s mouth is agape, “That is
absolutely incredible. What’s the problem?”
Martin sighs, “He has a hearing problem. I
said ‘fetch’ not ‘kvetch’!”
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Prior to its description of the giving of
the Torah at Sinai the Torah introduces us to Yisro, the father-in-law of
Moshe.
Rashi[1],
quoting the Mechilta, notes that Yisro had seven names. Rashi proceeds to list
and explain the reason for four of those names. He explains that Yisro was
called ‘Yesser[2]’
because a portion was added to the Torah based on Yisro’s suggestion to Moshe.
When Yisro saw the masses lining up before Moshe to present their halachic
inquiries, he feared that the people would become weary and frustrated with the
lengthy wait. To remedy the problem, Yisro suggested to Moshe that he establish
a hierarchy of judges and a judicial system to address the various inquiries that
they would have.
Rashi explains that an extra portion was
added to the Torah by referencing the verse which begins, “ואתה
תחזה – And you shall
discern”[3].
It is perplexing that Rashi quotes this verse, because Yisro’s conversation
with Moshe actually began five verses earlier when Yisro pointed out to Moshe
that his current system was faulty and wanting. “The father-in-law of Moshe
said to him, “The thing that you do is not good…”
Why does Rashi quote the later verse to
demonstrate the fact that in Yisro’s merit a portion was added to the Torah?
The Imrei Emes[4]
was invited to attend a rabbinical conference in Warsaw
After some time the Imrei Emes turned to
the man and presented him with the aforementioned question regarding Rashi’s
explanation about Yisro’s name “Yesser”. The man admitted that he had no answer
to the question. The Rebbe replied that it is no big deal to discuss issues and
problems. Anybody can be cynical and skeptical of virtually any concept or
idea. But it is far more difficult and challenging to be able to find solutions
and ideas to solve those problems.
The first five verses of Yisro’s conversation
with Moshe record Yisro’s presentation of the problem. Yisro is not remembered
for those five verses. Anyone could have complained to Moshe about the way he
was doing things. But Yisro had a wise plan, an idea that Moshe could feasibly
carry out that would eliminate the problem. It is for that constructive idea –
which begins with the later verse, “ואתה תחזה – And you shall discern” that Yisro
merited the addition of a portion in the Torah.
Rabbi Moshe Sherer zt’l[5]
was a tremendously ambitious person with little patience for a naysayer or
undue negativity that would not generate results. He would tell everyone in
attendance at his meetings that they were welcome to present issues and express
their opinions, but only if they had a solution and were ready to work to
accomplish their ideas.
He would quote the words we recite in the
daily prayers in which we describe the conduct of the angels when they sing
their celestial song before G-d. We initially describe them as those who, “do
the will of their Maker with dread and reverence.” We then continue and state,
“And they all open their mouths in holiness and purity.” First one must resolve
to do, only then can he open his mouth.
Rabbi Sherer would also quote this idea
about Yisro. He would note that Yisro is commended only for his constructive
suggestions, not for his preceding criticism. This teaches us that criticism is
cheap and easy; if it’s not accompanied by concrete and logical ideas it isn’t
worth anything.[6]
The Chofetz Chaim discusses the main
‘catalysts’ which cause a person to speak negatively and malign others[7].
One of those negative traits is “narganus – pervasive negativity”. There
are people who are wont to find fault at every opportunity and criticize every
petty detail in which they can find fault. Such people never give anyone the
benefit of the doubt and assume that every oversight is deliberate and
malicious. One who views everything in such a light will constantly speak
negatively about others, because he views everything that occurs as a personal
attack.
The greatest tragedy about a negativist is
that in many instances he needs to grumble and complain in order to maintain
his own sanity. A person who lacks self-esteem feels threatened by every
accomplishment and positive achievement of others. To protect his own fragile
identity he needs to minimize and speak disparagingly about what others have accomplished[8].
When Moshe recounts the egregious sin of
the spies he uses the words, “ותרגנו באהליכם – And
you stirred one another up in your tents and said, ‘Because G-d hates us He has
brought us forth out of the land of Egypt to give us into the hand of the
Amorites to exterminate us.”
It seems unfathomable that the generation
who had witnessed such incredible miracles, stood at Sinai, learned Torah from
Moshe, and lived supernaturally in the desert on a daily basis could even
express such a sentiment.
Rabbi Samson Rafael Hirsch explains that
the word ותרגנו refers to an agitator who, under the guise of self justification, stirs
up feelings of dissatisfaction and disloyalty in others. This idea is expressed
in the verse in Mishley which states, “The words of an agitator sound as if
they were taking up their own quarrel, but sink into the innermost feelings of
others.”
The pessimist
does not only hurt himself, his negative attitude is potentially menacing to
all those around him. He can have a very deleterious effect on everyone in his
inner circle and cause others to also feel dissatisfied.
How can one tell if he is being needlessly
negative or if he is truly being constructive? By ascertaining if he has ideas
for improvement and ways to rectify the issues he presents. If one truly has
the benefit of another in mind, he will only complain and point to flaws that
he feels can be solved eliminated. Otherwise he will keep quiet and just compliment
whatever has been accomplished.
One of the many lessons that emerges from
Yisro is that a complete Jew always maintains a positive attitude about
himself, and ultimately about others as well. But one who finds flaw in
everything will, G-d forbid, find flaw in Torah and his spiritual obligations
as well. This is a timeless idea which one must understand before he begins to
study Torah: It’s all a matter of attitude!
“You stirred one another up in your tents”
“You shall discern”
[1] 18:1
[2] Yesser
literally means ‘to add’
[3] 18:21
[4] Rabbi Avrohom
Mordechai Alter zt’l , the third Gerrer Rebbe
[5] the
legendary leader of Afudas Yisroel and one of the premiere spokesmen for Torah
Jewry
[6] Rabbi
Sherer, Mesorah Publications, p. 246
[7] The Chofetz
Chaim explains that the words "כל גיהנם" (All Purgatory) is an acronym for the root
causes og gossiping: Ka’as (anger), leitzonus (scoffing), ga’avah (arrogance),
yiush (despair), hefker (feeling lawless), narganus (negativity), and omer
mutar (saying it is permissible)
[8]
Unfortunately we all know people like this.
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